Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Monster in the House

A monster dwells in my house.

It's resided here for many years, since that day I unwittingly welcomed it into my home. I harbored a tad of trepidation even then, yet I hoped this harmless appearing thing might be of some value to my life.

I greatly underestimated its power--the terror it could instill, the carnage that would linger after each of our battles.

I contained the monster to a single room and did my best to avoid it. But it remained a lurking evil in the corner, and from time-to-time, I was forced to confront my fear and face it head-on.

Tonight, I know I must once again summon my courage.

Oh how I long for some protective suit of armor. Heavy armor serves no purpose, however, in our terror-filled showdowns. Inexplicably, I must approach the monster while I'm nearly naked.

My bare skin prickles tonight as I enter the room.

Although the monster is mute, I swear it growls as I eye it. I hear an inhuman rumble of evil laughter.

I so want to squash it like a spider. But stepping on this monster only enhances its power. This much I know, even as I am forced to do what I must to see the battle through to its finish.

I step forward.

The monster's red eyes begin to glow. My fear intensifies, and I shield my eyes. Then, I force myself to turn back. I stand tall, peer down and confront the enemy.

My God, the horror.

I leap away. I scream and flee through the house. I collapse on the couch. I whimper and gasp for breath.

The trauma is all consuming.

Seriously, my bathroom scale has got to go.


  1. Beware of its wrath... it may demand its pound of flesh.

  2. I have the same monster in my house but it ran out of energy and not sure if I will give it back. I now have its power in the palm of my hand. This was great!! Bev

  3. Ha! I couldn't see it until you gave it to us. Sometimes I try begging and pleading with that monster to no avail. It's the unmovable force. Like my sugar addiction.

    I followed you back from Betsy's to help stave off your blogger burnout. It's not an altruistic gesture though. I'm procrastinating.

  4. Bluz: It can take away all the pounds of flesh it wants.

    Bev: Maybe we should start a support group? Glad you enjoyed.

    Lisa: Thanks for feeding my starving writer's ego. Although with my luck, that will add a couple pounds to the scale. Procrastinate over here any time!

  5. I called that one after the nearly naked comment! LOL


  6. Joan: Hey, for all you know I do all my housecleaning in the buff too.

  7. My scale has not been friendly since I purchased it. Maybe if I had picked up a rescue scale at the pound it would appreciate living with me more...and perhaps give me the number I want.

  8. Amanda: Ah, yes--I will go with a rescue scale the next time around too. Perhaps these purebred scales are just too temperamental.

  9. What we have here is a failure to calibrate. Your monster needs recalibration and fortunately, I know how to do just that. Take it to a second floor window with a southern exposure. If you have no window on the second floor with a southern exposure, any other exposure will suffice. Open the window and hold the monster at arm's length out the window, thus allowing the fresh air to permeate and recalculate it. This is guaranteed to reset the monster to its perfect calibration and tip the scale of power (pun intended) rightfully to you. Oops! I just read the above instructions and forgot the essential first step: Immediately prior to initiating this procedure, rub your hands liberally with baby oil.

  10. Barb: I don't think I've EVER laughed so hard at a comment here! Maybe you should be a guest blogger?