The votes have been tabulated, and here is the Academy's list of winners for Son #2's graduation party last weekend:
Award for Documentary Short
... goes to this conversation between the new graduate and his mother.
Mother (pointing): "See Aunt Mary over there on the deck? Be sure to go say hi."
Son #2: "Yeah, OK. You mean Aunt Mary and Uncle Carl, right?"
Mother: "Um, no. Not Uncle Carl. Uncle Carl died last year."
Son #2: "Oh. OK. So then I guess he's not here."
Award for Actress in a Supporting Role
... goes to Son #2's best female friend, Elyse, for her performance as the sole girl shooting hoops in the driveway--wearing sandals and a sundress--and kicking all the boys' asses.
Award for Adapted Screenplay and Foreign Language Film
... goes to Cindy, for her R-rated narrative about taking a business trip with her new boss. Nervous and tongue-tied, she had attempted on an introductory outing to comment on some "sick-looking ducks" by the side of the road. Her tangled words came out instead as, "Look at those dick-sucking ducks." The table of grad party-goers all roared at this story, especially the punch line, when the ultra-serious, intimidating boss paused before replying, "Cynthia, where do you think I could get me one of them ducks?" (Note: This scene was followed by a sigh of relief from the Mother of the Graduate, after determining that the Director of Campus Ministries from her son's Catholic high school--seated two tables over--was not likely within earshot.)
Award for Cinematography
... goes to the shots taken of the Mother of the Graduate and her family, not for the quality or composition of the photos, but for the classic line delivered by her cousin's husband Gary, as we all lined up: "They're all together. Quick! Someone get a net!"
Award for Visual Effects
... goes to the Mother of the Graduate, whose eyes filled with bittersweet tears at the end of the day.
And the Award for Actor in a Leading Role goes to... Son #2. Congratulations, Kyle. You played your role well. And an outstanding college career awaits.