Wednesday, 1:45 P.M:
Sensible Sherry: "So, that's that. If this spring's financial fiascos weren't a wake-up call, this week's fiscal emergencies surely were. The broken rider lawnmower (irrepairable), the car air conditioning (estimated fix of $600-$1,200) and the house's central air (replacement totaling $2,500)? You need to make some significant changes in your life."
Stupid Sherry: "Yes, yes, you're right. I will change my lifestyle right now. I will start by playing the lottery every day and by switching to Natural Light beer."
Sensible Sherry (glaring): "What I mean is truly tightening your pursestrings. No more eating out, no more vacations and no more spending a fourth of your weekly grocery bill on adult beverages."
Stupid Sherry: "Wow. You are a tough taskmaster."
Sensible Sherry: "I am. And from now on, you shall be my bitch."
Sensible Sherry: "Um, excuse me? Is that you, clicking around on Orbitz.com?"
Stupid Sherry (glancing around): "Who, me?"
Sensible Sherry: "It's like I don't even know you."
Stupid Sherry: "I know, but remember back in early April, when I found that unbelievable deal for taking the Megabus to New York City? A round-trip ticket from Toledo for $4.50? Four dollars and fifty cents! I booked it right then, just in case I could make it work."
Sensible Sherry: "It won't work. Walk away from the computer."
Stupid Sherry: "But I managed to change my reservation! Instead of spending three nights in Manhattan, I'll only spend one! Look at the money I've saved already!"
Sensible Sherry: "So, you will sit on a bus for twelve hours, stay in New York for a single night and then turn around and spend another twelve hours on a bus?"
Stupid Sherry: "Yes! What an adventure it will be!"
Sensible Sherry (sighing): "That's what the Donner Party said."
Sensible Sherry: "Tell me you didn't."
Stupid Sherry: "Can you believe my good luck? A hotel room for only $100, on Manhattan's lower east side!"
Sensible Sherry: "Did you notice the fine print, about the 'shared bathroom'?"
Stupid Sherry: "I won't shower. And I'll cross my legs."
Sensible Sherry: "What about bed bugs?"
Stupid Sherry: "Bed bugs? The hotel amenities didn't list those."
Sensible Sherry: "Right. And what will you do in New York, with no money?"
Stupid Sherry: "I will engage in several hours of fun and free things! I'll visit the public library and walk through Central Park. I will pass by homeless people and feel really good about myself."
Sensible Sherry: "Mm-hmm. How will you eat?"
Stupid Sherry: "I'm planning to pack a bag of peanuts and six PB and J sandwiches in my duffle bag. And I'll drink from public water fountains."
Sensible Sherry (closing eyes and shaking head): "You are so full of shit."
Stupid Sherry: "OK. I will pack a bottle of cheap vodka and eat $2 hot dogs from street vendors. And I will ask for extra mustard packets and make an entire meal out of them."
Sensible Sherry: "You need professional help. Although you can't afford that either."
Stupid Sherry: "Come on! How could anyone let a practically free trip to New York go unused? That's like telling Ed McMahon to go away when he shows up at your door."
Sensible Sherry (checking Dead-Celeb.com): "Ed McMahon died in 2009. If he happens to show up at your door, promise me you'll tell him to go away."
Stupid Sherry: "OK. But I am definitely going to New York."
Sensible Sherry (rolling her eyes): "Fine. Spend three days of your life with twenty-five hours squeezed into a bus seat and another eight hours sleeping in a frightfully cheap hotel."
Stupid Sherry: "Yes. Yes, I will. Sounds delightful. Jeez, you're such a worrier. I mean, with a great plan like this, what could possibly go wrong?"
To be continued...
So how are you spending your summer vacation? What would you do in New York City on a dime? Do you listen to the angel or the devil on your shoulders?