Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Lalalalala... I Can't Hear You!

Wednesday, 1:45 P.M:
Sensible Sherry: "So, that's that. If this spring's financial fiascos weren't a wake-up call, this week's fiscal emergencies surely were. The broken rider lawnmower (irrepairable), the car air conditioning (estimated fix of $600-$1,200) and the house's central air (replacement totaling $2,500)? You need to make some significant changes in your life."

Stupid Sherry:
"Yes, yes, you're right. I will change my lifestyle right now. I will start by playing the lottery every day and by switching to Natural Light beer."

Sensible Sherry (glaring):
"What I mean is truly tightening your pursestrings. No more eating out, no more vacations and no more spending a fourth of your weekly grocery bill on adult beverages."

Stupid Sherry:
"Wow. You are a tough taskmaster."

Sensible Sherry:
"I am. And from now on, you shall be my bitch."

2:15 P.M.
Sensible Sherry: "Um, excuse me? Is that you, clicking around on Orbitz.com?"

Stupid Sherry (glancing around):
"Who, me?"

Sensible Sherry
: "It's like I don't even know you."

Stupid Sherry:
"I know, but remember back in early April, when I found that unbelievable deal for taking the Megabus to New York City? A round-trip ticket from Toledo for $4.50? Four dollars and fifty cents! I booked it right then, just in case I could make it work."

Sensible Sherry:
"It won't work. Walk away from the computer."

Stupid Sherry:
"But I managed to change my reservation! Instead of spending three nights in Manhattan, I'll only spend one! Look at the money I've saved already!"

Sensible Sherry:
"So, you will sit on a bus for twelve hours, stay in New York for a single night and then turn around and spend another twelve hours on a bus?"

Stupid Sherry:
"Yes! What an adventure it will be!"

Sensible Sherry (sighing):
"That's what the Donner Party said."

2:38 P.M.
Sensible Sherry: "Tell me you didn't."

Stupid Sherry:
"Can you believe my good luck? A hotel room for only $100, on Manhattan's lower east side!"

Sensible Sherry:
"Did you notice the fine print, about the 'shared bathroom'?"

Stupid Sherry:
"I won't shower. And I'll cross my legs."

Sensible Sherry:
"What about bed bugs?"

Stupid Sherry:
"Bed bugs? The hotel amenities didn't list those."

Sensible Sherry:
"Right. And what will you do in New York, with no money?"

Stupid Sherry:
"I will engage in several hours of fun and free things! I'll visit the public library and walk through Central Park. I will pass by homeless people and feel really good about myself."

Sensible Sherry:
"Mm-hmm. How will you eat?"

Stupid Sherry:
"I'm planning to pack a bag of peanuts and six PB and J sandwiches in my duffle bag. And I'll drink from public water fountains."

Sensible Sherry
(closing eyes and shaking head): "You are so full of shit."

Stupid Sherry:
"OK. I will pack a bottle of cheap vodka and eat $2 hot dogs from street vendors. And I will ask for extra mustard packets and make an entire meal out of them."

Sensible Sherry:
"You need professional help. Although you can't afford that either."

Stupid Sherry:
"Come on! How could anyone let a practically free trip to New York go unused? That's like telling Ed McMahon to go away when he shows up at your door."

Sensible Sherry (checking Dead-Celeb.com):
"Ed McMahon died in 2009. If he happens to show up at your door, promise me you'll tell him to go away."

Stupid Sherry:
"OK. But I am definitely going to New York."

Sensible Sherry (rolling her eyes):
"Fine. Spend three days of your life with twenty-five hours squeezed into a bus seat and another eight hours sleeping in a frightfully cheap hotel."

Stupid Sherry:
"Yes. Yes, I will. Sounds delightful. Jeez, you're such a worrier. I mean, with a great plan like this, what could possibly go wrong?"


To be continued...


So how are you spending your summer vacation? What would you do in New York City on a dime? Do you listen to the angel or the devil on your shoulders?

25 comments:

  1. "What could possibly go wrong?"
    You'll get arrested for buying that fake Louis Vuitton purse! Call John, he'll bail you out.

    Annette G.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When I come out there, it looks like I'm buying...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Annette: Either buying the fake purse or skipping out on my bar bill... What's John's cellphone number?

    Bluz: The good news is, I'm a really cheap date these days. A Natty or three and I'll be good to go.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sherry,
    You need to find some of the New York contingent of our posse. Surely someone must live there?

    It has been so long since I've been able to listen to the devil on my shoulder. Man, she was so much fun...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm spending my summer vacation in an air conditioned library living vicariously through friends who take insane bus trips to Manhattan.

    Carry on, please! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lyra: Do you hear that devil whispering right now? "Hop a bus to New York with Sherry." Come on, you know you want to.

    MSB: Ha! I actually considered this at one time. But then I realized it would require me to, well, actually stand up in front of people.

    Sarah: You say "vicariously" like this trip might be a good thing. A true believer! Thank you for that optimism!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I will buy you alcohol just so you don't drink Natty light. Eew.

    And cheap in NYC = walking. Lots of window shopping. And people watching.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That Sensible Sherry is such a downer. I want to party with the other Sherry - I'm not calling her by that name either, too mean.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Amanda: Not to worry. I haven't taken that drastic step yet. But maybe you could finance my Diet Coke addiction instead? And yes, lots of walking and people-watching in the forecast...

    Downith: You're in luck, since Sensible Sherry's appearances are very rare indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sensible schmensible. I love the fun Sherry! Let's all go to NYC and eat hot dogs and drink cheap beer. What would be more fun than that???

    ReplyDelete
  11. I would totally take that deal. Come to think of it, I did that once. Drove to NYC only to turn around and drive back the next day. From Georgia.

    The best part of my trip was the bag of Utz potato chips I got at a gas station in Pennsylvania.

    Sherry, you crack me.

    Also, I'd do that trip again in a heartbeat. Not exactly the same way, but I'd definitely risk it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Teri: Is that a Call for Action? Better make those reservations now though. I hear this is a popular vacation package.

    Lisa: And you didn't call me? Probably just as well we didn't know each other then. I'm thinking we'd be bad news together on a roadtrip...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sherry,
    Yes, I hear the siren song. If you only knew me prekids...alas, probably better. Writers don't tend to have bail money nowadays...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sensible Sherry is such a stick-in-the-mud. I wanna be on a bus with Stupid Sherry; she's my kind of girl.

    My big trip is already behind me. Sigh. Now I'm stuck in Vegas. 112 degrees today.

    Kill me now.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Lyra: See my above comment to Lisa and definitely ditto it to you. And, I don't have money to make bail, but I did get a lovely offer here from Annette for an attorney.

    Averil: You know, the Megabus is air-conditioned. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Fine line between the Sensible and Stupid sides we all have, so I suggest my philosophy!

    Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do.

    So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.

    Catch the trade winds in your sails.
    ...Explore, Dream, Discover.

    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  17. Mom: I love that. And I will do so.

    P.S. Does this mean you've forgiven me for my high school years?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Forgiving your high school stuff was quite easy. Forgetting the stuff much more of a challenge.

    Indeed my senior citizen memory makes the forgetting quite probable!

    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  19. What does it say about me that this little dialogue had me convinced to up and head to NYC? Sensible Sherry had zero impact on me whatsoever. Megabus! Cheapo hotels! Entire meals made from mustard! Sign. Me. Up.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I'm with Laura. Was thinking the same thing! I used to jump on airplanes to foreign places with no hotel reservations. Been a while, but they were probably the best trips ever.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You can probably appreciate this sense of humor: http://www.emperorsclothes.co.uk/2011/04/aubergine-video.html

    ReplyDelete
  22. Laura: I'm fairly certain my bus stops in Cleveland on its route from Toledo to NYC. I'll save you a seat. What do you like on your mustard?

    Deb: Ha! Favorite two lines: "Well, it's a fruit, technically." and "Even if you can't help me with my problem, I thought I might at least get a shag out of it." Good reasoning all around.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Those were my favorites too! I had to look up what an aubergine was. Can't they just say eggplant? Oops. My cooking anti-knowledge is showing.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it's rare to see
    a nice blog like this one these days.

    Have a look at my web blog - クロエ

    ReplyDelete