Breakfast:
- Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
- Low-calorie English muffin--plain
- Banana
- Frozen low-calorie meal
- Tossed salad with light dressing
- Grilled chicken breast
- Steamed broccoli with light, artificial butter spray
- Tossed salad with light dressing
- Apple
- Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
Day Three
Breakfast:
- Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
- English muffin with just a smidge of peanut butter
- Banana
- Half a bagel from office meeting (with barely noticeable smidge of cream cheese)
- Frozen low-cal meal
- Tossed salad with light dressing
- Raw veggies
- Apple
- More veggies (and light ranch dip)
- Slim-Fast shake
- Grilled salmon with lemon
- Green beans with that fake butter crap (and just a couple pats of the good stuff, because I read that fats are an essential part of any healthy diet)
- Tossed salad with light dressing (and a sprinkling of croutons, bacon bits, and cheese, for flavor)
- Apple
- Apple
- Apple
- Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
- One Hershey's miniature (maybe four, can't remember, but they're really, really tiny)
- Apple
Day Five
Breakfast:
- Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
- English muffin, etc., etc.
- Banana
- Banana
- Peanut butter crackers from the office vending machine (feeling light-headed, and they say protein is so very important)
- Slim-Fast shake
- Whopper (no mayonnaise!)
- Tossed salad with light dressing, etc.
- Veggies and spinach dip
- Crackers and spinach dip
- Pretzels and spinach dip
- Slim-Fast shake
- Smallest grilled steak on the restaurant menu
- Mixed vegetables (probably steamed without butter)
- Plain baked potato (added sour cream and butter only because potato was unusually dry)
- Tossed salad with light dressing, etc., etc.
- Two Bloody Marys (with healthy bonus of a celery stalk in each!)
- Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
- A few small handfuls of Ballreich's potato chips from the shared bag on the office breakroom counter (Just a little splurge because they were Ballreich's! But I totally ignored the birthday cupcakes, thank-you-very-much.)
- Slim-Fast shake
Day Eight
Breakfast:
- Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
- English muffin with peanut butter and jelly
- Half a donut (frosted without any sprinkles)
- Slim-Fast shake
- Frozen low-calorie meal
- Tossed salad with light dressing
- Veggies with dip
- Slim-Fast shake
- The other donut half
- Roast chicken (Seemed rude to skin it. And the skin was perfectly crisp.)
- Stuffing
- Mashed potatoes, but no gravy (except a spoonful)
- Green bean casserole
- Sweet potato casserole
- Roll (homemade, so felt practically obligated)
- Tossed salad (showed constraint by not finishing)
- Four light beers
- Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
- Donut
- Left-over cold chicken, eaten over the kitchen sink
- Left-over cold stuffing with gravy
- Slim-Fast shake
Day Eighteen
Breakfast: (blank)
Lunch: (blank)
Dinner: (blank)
Snacks: (blank)
Comments: Have been far too busy to journal, but certain I've been eating mostly fruits, vegetables, and a couple Slim-Fast shakes. So it's totally inconceivable that I could have gained these four pounds.
I believe my scale may need calibrating.
And if it weren't for this water retention, I'd be wearing that bikini already.
Is weight-loss just an old wives' tale? How's your diet plan going? Don't those Slim-Fast shakes make for a delicious dessert?
My diet consists of resisting red meat and milk products. As usual with "eating plans," the main thing I have lost is the will to live. I would kill for a cheeseburger!
ReplyDeleteAnon: I've often considered giving up red meat--or going a step further and becoming a pescetarian (eating seafood, eggs and dairy but no other animal products), mostly for humanitarian reasons. Then I pass by a Steak 'n Shake...
DeleteI wonder what life would be like if we all refused to starve ourselves?
ReplyDeleteWhat would we do with all our energy and extra time?
Sarah: Well, some of us would probably keep eating cold chicken and stuffing over the kitchen sink. Seriously though, you have a point. Maybe the key is to look at the goal of getting healthy as a positive thing, and to stop focusing on the process as being such a negative one.
DeleteSherry, it's those damn brackets - if you got rid of them you'd be fine.
ReplyDeleteDownith: Brilliant! I'm doing a rewrite of this post and deleting all those pesky parentheses.
DeleteI know some people who had perfect results with something pretty much like this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2071903/Strict-diet-days-better-calorie-counting-week.html
ReplyDelete~Ashlee
http://ashleesch.com
http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com
Ashlee: I read an article about that same research a couple months ago. It does sound doable (although the 650-calorie count for two days a week seems awfully low). I forgot to bookmark it when I read it, so thanks for this link. I may be trying that plan very soon.
Deleteremember in bridget jones diary when she started each entry with her weight, calorie intake and number of cigarettes? so funny.
ReplyDeletealmost as funny as this.
i'm imagining a book by a woman gone mad...as her diet gets more bizarre (today: 26 raw carrots, miniature box of raisins, 40 cups of coffee, 240 packets of splenda...) her daily adventures turn really, really dark.
Amy: Hard to believe, but I never read Bridget Jones, although I did see the movie. I could definitely write a memoir like you've imagined here. Not sure about my story arc though, since my madness would start around day three.
DeleteI wonder how many calories typing burns? I. Must. Type. Faster.
ReplyDeleteMSB: Exactly! And I write all first drafts by long-hand! Does that count as aerobic exercise?
DeleteWater retention is my problem. I just don't know how I can retain 50lbs of water like I do?
ReplyDeleteAnna
Anna: HA! Where were you when I was brainstorming great punchlines?!?
DeleteI'm with Sarah above --- wouldn't it be nice if this wasn't part of our daily mental meltdown?
ReplyDeleteThat said, Sherry, thanks for starting off my morning with a big old laugh. I swear the brownie I just had for breakfast was made with dark chocolate. Isn't dark chocolate good for you?
Teri: Did you have coffee with that brownie? Because I'm pretty sure cacao beans and coffee beans count as two vegetable servings, so that's one mighty healthy breakfast.
DeleteOMG! Too, too funny, and too close to home!! Love you, Mom
ReplyDeleteMom: Did you really just write "OMG"? I think I need to crack open another beer... (But I'll be sure to write it in tonight's food diary.)
DeleteOne of my worst diet blunders was skipping aerobics because I was too full from eating a Weight Watchers Pizza and drinking a Slim Fast shake. I did great on WW for a year and have been on the wagon since July. The pressure is really on me now because I need to lose enough weight to look like my avatar as I'm attending the E.B. writers workshop in April.
ReplyDeleteLM: Hope to meet you in Dayton in April! I'll be sure to tell you--honestly--that you're thinner than I've ever seen you.
DeleteThis is so fantastic. Just like Amyg, I thought this is a grown up Bridget Jones, only funnier.
ReplyDeleteYou should really do something with this!
Lyra: Thanks for the kind words, my friend. I hope whatever I manage to do with this burns 15,000 calories.
DeleteGod almighty, are you a funny chick. Spinach dip! More and more and more spinach dip!
ReplyDeleteNotice how tidily I'm ignoring your question about my diet. {shifty eyes, casual whistle}
Averil: Hee-hee... "shifty eyes, casual whistle"... Were you hiding somewhere and watching my every move since I started writing that food diary?
Delete(hands over ears) Lalalalalala! I don't hear you! I am stumbling, woman. Falling. Please send help.
ReplyDeleteDeb: Perhaps you should reread this post. Asking me for help in this arena is like asking Kim Kardashian for marriage advice. XOXO
DeleteBut wouldn't we make wonderful enablers? How much fun we would have!
Delete:-) Yep.
Deleteas my friend and I sat down at a Chinese Restaurant and started complaining about our failed attempt at finding the new location for WW the waiter said "weight loss easy - stop eating when full." I personally think he's crazy but it might just work! Thanks for another dose of reality and letting us all know we are not alone:) Gail
ReplyDeleteGail: Such sage advice from that waiter. But I'm confused, because everyone knows that you feel hungry again just two hours after eating Chinese food.
DeleteI didn't bring my lunch to work today, so in a few minutes I have to make a decision: Get the delicious, fatty, oh-god-so-good peanut noodle dish, or go to the fancy cafe and order a huge salad with lots of good stuff in it? Both cost about the same (the salad might be more, which tells us right there the world is messed up) but I fear for my self control. Those noodles are soooooo white and nutrient-free, nom nom.
ReplyDeleteLaura: I believe the low nutritional value of the noodles in that dish are offset by all the protein in the peanuts. Save your self-control for dessert: by choosing the sugar-free, fat-free pudding, along with a Slim-Fast shake and just a couple Hershey miniatures.
DeleteI am dying. Not from hunger. Oh no. From laughing.
ReplyDeleteMy diet plan currently consists of a green smoothie in the morning, starvation all day long, some potato chips, a clementine or two and a bowl of ice cream. I'm losing about a pound a week. As soon as I have to give up the speed, I'll put it all right back on. And so it goes.
Lisa: Why give up a good thing? The only negative I see here is that starvation part. And what's in a green smoothie? Can I just use all the moldy leftovers in my fridge?
DeleteYour post makes me think of the story-telling potential of such a thing. There is technique in this.
ReplyDeletePaul: Thank you for focusing on the technique of the story and not the pathetic habits of the story-teller.
Delete