Monday, February 13, 2012

Food Diary of an Almost Honest Dieter

Day One
Breakfast:
  • Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
  • Low-calorie English muffin--plain
  • Banana
Lunch:
  • Frozen low-calorie meal
  • Tossed salad with light dressing
Dinner:
  • Grilled chicken breast
  • Steamed broccoli with light, artificial butter spray
  • Tossed salad with light dressing
Snacks:
  • Apple
  • Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
Diary comments: Stomach rumbling a bit, but I remained below my calorie count for the whole day! Fully confident about this new diet! Only a few months to go before I can pull out that bikini from 1993!

Day Three
Breakfast:
  • Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
  • English muffin with just a smidge of peanut butter
  • Banana
  • Half a bagel from office meeting (with barely noticeable smidge of cream cheese)
Lunch:
  • Frozen low-cal meal
  • Tossed salad with light dressing
  • Raw veggies
  • Apple
  • More veggies (and light ranch dip)
  • Slim-Fast shake
Dinner:
  • Grilled salmon with lemon
  • Green beans with that fake butter crap (and just a couple pats of the good stuff, because I read that fats are an essential part of any healthy diet)
  • Tossed salad with light dressing (and a sprinkling of croutons, bacon bits, and cheese, for flavor)
Snacks:
  • Apple
  • Apple
  • Apple
  • Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
  • One Hershey's miniature (maybe four, can't remember, but they're really, really tiny)
  • Apple
Comments: Already lost one pound! At this rate, I shall be a goddess by summer! Have fully lost my appetite for apples though. But fortunately, I finished off all the Hershey miniatures, so I won't be tempted by those again!

Day Five
Breakfast:
  • Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
  • English muffin, etc., etc.
  • Banana
  • Banana
  • Peanut butter crackers from the office vending machine (feeling light-headed, and they say protein is so very important)
  • Slim-Fast shake
Lunch:
  • Whopper (no mayonnaise!)
  • Tossed salad with light dressing, etc.
  • Veggies and spinach dip
  • Crackers and spinach dip
  • Pretzels and spinach dip
  • Slim-Fast shake
Dinner:
  • Smallest grilled steak on the restaurant menu
  • Mixed vegetables (probably steamed without butter)
  • Plain baked potato (added sour cream and butter only because potato was unusually dry)
  • Tossed salad with light dressing, etc., etc.
  • Two Bloody Marys (with healthy bonus of a celery stalk in each!)
Snacks:
  • Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
  • A few small handfuls of Ballreich's potato chips from the shared bag on the office breakroom counter (Just a little splurge because they were Ballreich's! But I totally ignored the birthday cupcakes, thank-you-very-much.)
  • Slim-Fast shake
Comments: Was forced to eat out for two meals today, but proud of my healthy selections! Sampled just a handful of fries from my coworker's BK order. (So few that she almost didn't notice.) Added note: The dip was made with spinach. Lots of iron there. Am also guessing two Bloody Marys count as two vegetable servings. Maybe four.

Day Eight
Breakfast:
  • Sugar-free, fat-free yogurt
  • English muffin with peanut butter and jelly
  • Half a donut (frosted without any sprinkles)
  • Slim-Fast shake
Lunch:
  • Frozen low-calorie meal
  • Tossed salad with light dressing
  • Veggies with dip
  • Slim-Fast shake
  • The other donut half
Dinner: (with dinner guests)
  • Roast chicken (Seemed rude to skin it. And the skin was perfectly crisp.)
  • Stuffing
  • Mashed potatoes, but no gravy (except a spoonful)
  • Green bean casserole
  • Sweet potato casserole
  • Roll (homemade, so felt practically obligated)
  • Tossed salad (showed constraint by not finishing)
  • Four light beers
Snacks:
  • Sugar-free, fat-free pudding
  • Donut
  • Left-over cold chicken, eaten over the kitchen sink
  • Left-over cold stuffing with gravy
  • Slim-Fast shake
Comments: What masochist invented the tossed salad anyway? From now on, I'm tossing the salad! (Haha! Did you see what I did there?) Walked on the damn treadmill for an extra three minutes to make up for the stuffing. Donuts were completely the fault of my inconsiderate co-workers. Bastards. My scale says I gained back the pound I lost (plus two more), but I'm pretty sure I'm retaining water this week.

Day Eighteen
Breakfast: (blank)

Lunch:
(blank)

Dinner: (blank)

Snacks: (blank)

Comments: Have been far too busy to journal, but certain I've been eating mostly fruits, vegetables, and a couple Slim-Fast shakes. So it's totally inconceivable that I could have gained these four pounds.

I believe my scale may need calibrating.

And if it weren't for this water retention, I'd be wearing that bikini already.


Is weight-loss just an old wives' tale? How's your diet plan going? Don't those Slim-Fast shakes make for a delicious dessert?

37 comments:

  1. My diet consists of resisting red meat and milk products. As usual with "eating plans," the main thing I have lost is the will to live. I would kill for a cheeseburger!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon: I've often considered giving up red meat--or going a step further and becoming a pescetarian (eating seafood, eggs and dairy but no other animal products), mostly for humanitarian reasons. Then I pass by a Steak 'n Shake...

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  2. I wonder what life would be like if we all refused to starve ourselves?

    What would we do with all our energy and extra time?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah: Well, some of us would probably keep eating cold chicken and stuffing over the kitchen sink. Seriously though, you have a point. Maybe the key is to look at the goal of getting healthy as a positive thing, and to stop focusing on the process as being such a negative one.

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  3. Sherry, it's those damn brackets - if you got rid of them you'd be fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Downith: Brilliant! I'm doing a rewrite of this post and deleting all those pesky parentheses.

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  4. I know some people who had perfect results with something pretty much like this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2071903/Strict-diet-days-better-calorie-counting-week.html

    ~Ashlee
    http://ashleesch.com
    http://theDragonsHoard.bigcartel.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashlee: I read an article about that same research a couple months ago. It does sound doable (although the 650-calorie count for two days a week seems awfully low). I forgot to bookmark it when I read it, so thanks for this link. I may be trying that plan very soon.

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  5. remember in bridget jones diary when she started each entry with her weight, calorie intake and number of cigarettes? so funny.

    almost as funny as this.

    i'm imagining a book by a woman gone mad...as her diet gets more bizarre (today: 26 raw carrots, miniature box of raisins, 40 cups of coffee, 240 packets of splenda...) her daily adventures turn really, really dark.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amy: Hard to believe, but I never read Bridget Jones, although I did see the movie. I could definitely write a memoir like you've imagined here. Not sure about my story arc though, since my madness would start around day three.

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  6. I wonder how many calories typing burns? I. Must. Type. Faster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MSB: Exactly! And I write all first drafts by long-hand! Does that count as aerobic exercise?

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  7. Water retention is my problem. I just don't know how I can retain 50lbs of water like I do?

    Anna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anna: HA! Where were you when I was brainstorming great punchlines?!?

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  8. I'm with Sarah above --- wouldn't it be nice if this wasn't part of our daily mental meltdown?

    That said, Sherry, thanks for starting off my morning with a big old laugh. I swear the brownie I just had for breakfast was made with dark chocolate. Isn't dark chocolate good for you?

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    Replies
    1. Teri: Did you have coffee with that brownie? Because I'm pretty sure cacao beans and coffee beans count as two vegetable servings, so that's one mighty healthy breakfast.

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  9. OMG! Too, too funny, and too close to home!! Love you, Mom

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    Replies
    1. Mom: Did you really just write "OMG"? I think I need to crack open another beer... (But I'll be sure to write it in tonight's food diary.)

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  10. One of my worst diet blunders was skipping aerobics because I was too full from eating a Weight Watchers Pizza and drinking a Slim Fast shake. I did great on WW for a year and have been on the wagon since July. The pressure is really on me now because I need to lose enough weight to look like my avatar as I'm attending the E.B. writers workshop in April.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LM: Hope to meet you in Dayton in April! I'll be sure to tell you--honestly--that you're thinner than I've ever seen you.

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  11. This is so fantastic. Just like Amyg, I thought this is a grown up Bridget Jones, only funnier.
    You should really do something with this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lyra: Thanks for the kind words, my friend. I hope whatever I manage to do with this burns 15,000 calories.

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  12. God almighty, are you a funny chick. Spinach dip! More and more and more spinach dip!

    Notice how tidily I'm ignoring your question about my diet. {shifty eyes, casual whistle}

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Averil: Hee-hee... "shifty eyes, casual whistle"... Were you hiding somewhere and watching my every move since I started writing that food diary?

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  13. (hands over ears) Lalalalalala! I don't hear you! I am stumbling, woman. Falling. Please send help.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deb: Perhaps you should reread this post. Asking me for help in this arena is like asking Kim Kardashian for marriage advice. XOXO

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    2. But wouldn't we make wonderful enablers? How much fun we would have!

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  14. as my friend and I sat down at a Chinese Restaurant and started complaining about our failed attempt at finding the new location for WW the waiter said "weight loss easy - stop eating when full." I personally think he's crazy but it might just work! Thanks for another dose of reality and letting us all know we are not alone:) Gail

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    Replies
    1. Gail: Such sage advice from that waiter. But I'm confused, because everyone knows that you feel hungry again just two hours after eating Chinese food.

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  15. I didn't bring my lunch to work today, so in a few minutes I have to make a decision: Get the delicious, fatty, oh-god-so-good peanut noodle dish, or go to the fancy cafe and order a huge salad with lots of good stuff in it? Both cost about the same (the salad might be more, which tells us right there the world is messed up) but I fear for my self control. Those noodles are soooooo white and nutrient-free, nom nom.

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    Replies
    1. Laura: I believe the low nutritional value of the noodles in that dish are offset by all the protein in the peanuts. Save your self-control for dessert: by choosing the sugar-free, fat-free pudding, along with a Slim-Fast shake and just a couple Hershey miniatures.

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  16. I am dying. Not from hunger. Oh no. From laughing.

    My diet plan currently consists of a green smoothie in the morning, starvation all day long, some potato chips, a clementine or two and a bowl of ice cream. I'm losing about a pound a week. As soon as I have to give up the speed, I'll put it all right back on. And so it goes.

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    Replies
    1. Lisa: Why give up a good thing? The only negative I see here is that starvation part. And what's in a green smoothie? Can I just use all the moldy leftovers in my fridge?

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  17. Your post makes me think of the story-telling potential of such a thing. There is technique in this.

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    Replies
    1. Paul: Thank you for focusing on the technique of the story and not the pathetic habits of the story-teller.

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