Friday, October 18, 2013

Much a Doo-Doo about Nothing

I was due for a colonscopy when I turned fifty, but I disregarded it as a crappy idea. Two years later, The 52/52 Project gave me a little kick in the ass, and I added “colonscopy” to the list. Time to get this behind me.

The afternoon before my scheduled appointment, the office called, saying they’d have to pull the plug. Nothing was running as planned. I was shit out of luck.

“Butt wait,” they said. Their schedule wasn’t totally backed-up. Just two weeks later, they promised to get me in there.

It was a heavy load I’d been carrying the past two years, and it seemed time to finally relieve myself.

Still, I heard the cleansing preparation was a pain in the ass. I eyed the prescription drink which would get the whole process moving. I shrugged and murmured, “Bottoms-up.”

But considering what followed, the nasty ass drink was only a drop in the bucket.

The rest of the evening went down the drain. It wasn’t a straight fifteen-hour stretch of uncomfortable inconvenience. It just came in spurts.

I stomached the events of that night, which continued into early morning, with a fair amount of grumbling.

The colonoscopy itself was a breeze though. In no time at all, we were in and out of there.

A bit of propofol (Michael Jackson’s drug of choice) in my IV, and I quickly found myself in no position to retaliate. I guess I managed to turn the other cheek.

Next thing I knew, I was awake. I learned they found a polyp, which they successfully nipped in the bud. I was told I simply needed to eliminate some of the air that was pumped into my stomach before I could be discharged. They quickly sent me on my way, so apparently I passed that, too.

At the tail-end of the experience, I have to say it was much a doo-doo about nothing.

And next time I’m told I need a colonoscopy, I won’t be so quick to poo-poo the idea.

Was I too cheeky here? Has my writing totally gone down the crapper? Can you resist a bad pun?


  1. That was some pretty crappy writing Sherry. JUST ASSING AROUND!!! You really made me cack with this one... Bottoms up! Xcat

    1. Glad it was a crack-up, Cat! "Crack"... How did I miss that concept in my story??

  2. I am completely unable to resist bad puns and/or your articles, Sherry.

    Clearly, you weren't just pulling this one out of your ass---great job!

    1. Oh, and the great colonoscopy puns just keep running on... Thanks, Sarah!

  3. Perfect timing for me to find this post. I just had one yesterday. And I think you got every single pun out there! Fun post for an annoying deed!

    1. Glad to have a partner in colonoscopy crimes! Thanks for stopping by! If you want to read more about my year of new experiences, follow along at Heading over to check out your blog now...