10) Might have been best to be alert before hitting "send" and emailing that totally off-color joke to your in-laws and entire corporate board.
9) Four out of five doctors recommend a morning pulse.
8) Operating heavy machinery while under the influence of no caffeine is more dangerous than doing so after 12 beers.
7) Caffeine-deprived women will pull a tampon out of their purse at a morning meeting and try to write with it, just trust me.
6) Your name. Your address. Your marital status. Too easy to forget these minor details without a daily jumpstart.
5) OMG! No caffeine? Just kill me! Now!
4) The workday, sadly, doesn't begin at noon.
3) Liquor tends to be socially frowned upon at 8 a.m.
2) A can of sardines and an airline-sized bottle of vodka packed during a pre-caffeine stupor do not a child's school lunch make.
1) "Morning talk we'll good later me after caffeine lots OK?"